Beautiful Envy
by solicitousAdvisor
Summary: When Loki's jealousy of Thor and Sif's harmonious relationship gets the better of him, he follows his envious instincts and faces losing the Thunder-God's trust for good this time...


**A/N: Just a one-shot badly written Thorki angst thingy to show I'm having feels tonight. Life. Is good.**

**~Malum **

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~ O N E : ~ ~

Cold green eyes looked up into icy blue orbs, the anger glinting in them clearly, as to what the Trickster, who felt no repentance, who felt no emotion, denied any feelings of sort, gazed up at the Thunderer with a gaze that spoke three words: "I'm not sorry." Out in the cold winds of Winter, Jotunheim had seemed the only place Loki could have hidden them, concealed them for what he was about to reveal to the furious Odinson. And it was clear to the Liar there and then, by looking into those eyes he had claimed to hate so much; there was a blind fury there, a demand for an explanation, and for once, Loki feared Thor would hit him. The Trickster would end this tonight. His lips were darker than usual, bags under his emerald eyes and red tracks staining his usually flawlessly smooth cheeks form the tears of pure anguish and agonising envy that had spilled there for at least two hours straight. He had been crying, completely alone and curled into a little ball on the dark sheets of his large bed in his bed-chambers, once again in the Palace of Asgard. And he had taken them via some magical enchantment to this barren wasteland, the land that housed those ruthless and heartless monsters known as Jotuns. And Loki was one of them. The God of Mischief closed his eyes, unsure as to how he had let such envy consume him; and that was when he realised how bitter-sweet it all was. It was a beautiful envy, a jealousy that consumed his heart, tore his soul into pieces every time he was reminded of it... His one true maddening hatred didn't lay on the elder brother. It was the fact that his brother had the ability to move on, every time he would wrap his arms around Lady Sif, pull her close and whisper sweet-nothings in her heated ears... The younger sibling would regrettably find himself fantasising what he would feel, what he would so desire and love if he had the ability to catch the Thunderer's eye like Sif Sylvan did. He remained as still and unmoving as a statue, completely immobile as he tensed and realised exactly how selfish he had acted. Having seen Thor and Sif begin to get fairly heated in a passionate and hungry kiss which displayed how ravenous they were for each other, the Mischievous Liar had found himself snarling, his upper lip curling as he approached the Thunder-God, casting a spell and banishing the pair of them away to the Realm of Ice.

"...What did you possibly hope to gain, Loki?" Thor's hoarse and confused voice split through the air painfully like a dagger. "What is this madness?... Brother?" he murmured, his blue eyes equally displaying the amount of hurt he could feel.

"Are you really that ignorant that you have not yet figured this all out?" The green eyed monster snarled through clenched teeth, his tone proving how discontented he was in those few moments that were filled with mutual heart-ache. "ARE YOU REALLY SUCH AN IDIOT YOU DO NOT KNOW?!" he shouted desperately, throwing icy glares at the other as his eyes shot open.

"...Tell me, what is the reason for all of this?" Thor asked rather calmly, unwilling to return any cry of anguish or hurt, yet his heart had grown heavy. Loki's own heart wrenched when he thought over how Thor would never truly love him.

"...You do not know why I stop you from getting too close to Sif? Why I stop you every time things get intimate?" Thor shook his head numbly, yet his fingertips began to tingle as he thought over the Trickster's words. Oh gods, no... "...Really?" Loki whispered, his ghost-pale hand moving up to cup the other's rough cheek, marvelling by how he seemed to be flushing furiously at the lightest of touches. The younger trailed his hand lower to Thor's neck, his fingers tracing unknown patterns in the skin there. When Thor simply nodded meekly, the feeling suddenly rising alongside his faint blush, the snow suddenly swirling around them angrily as Loki looked down at the ground, green eyes glowing a dim silver in the bright light of the bright and relentless glow of the moon. "I envy her, Thor. I love you," he clenched his fists and ground his teeth together, having to admit that, but continued despite how disgusted he was as to admitting emotion. "I wish every day I was Sif Sylvan, and that I could curl up in your arms, be yours... And you to be mine. Every time she kisses you... I imagine myself there, arms wrapped around you with a smile upon my face as I /kissed you back-/" he stopped suddenly, having been silenced in the most odd way. Thor's lips were crushing his, large hands knotting in the dark locks of hair Loki possessed, until his green eyes slid shut, and as soon as he felt alive, thrilled-! It happened. Thor broke away, a look of disgust and repulsion clear in those wonderfully startling blue eyes.

"Why would I want /you?/" he snapped cruelly. "When you've clearly no desire for me to be happy... Stay here. In the land of monsters. Where you belong," he hissed, turning away and walking further into the depths of Jotunheim, intending to call for Heimdall to take him back.

And all Loki could do was reach out, plead for him to come back. The man he loved... Turning away with such a loathsome expression, Loki fell to his knees, soft sobs escaping him, silent tears streaming down his cheeks.


End file.
